My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize