I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
