I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
