she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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