Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
