I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bring me that man meat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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