Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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