just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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