Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
