Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
