omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
