You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
