Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
