Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
