I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
