dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
