I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
