i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
