I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize