Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
