You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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