turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
