If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize