White coat. Heels.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
