So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
