Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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