I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
