I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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