and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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