moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
