Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
