She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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