arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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