You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
