my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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