Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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