I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
