I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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