i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
