My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
