Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
