i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
