I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
