You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
