that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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