take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well I just put wine in my tea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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