sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
