apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize