If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
