sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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