dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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