There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
