Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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