on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
