So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize