Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
