I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
