First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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