I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
