and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
