Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize