last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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