Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
