that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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