birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
