i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
