I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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