great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
