By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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