I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
